You may choose to flip past this section, because you want to dive right into the book. However, you might be someone who appreciates seeing a map before heading out on a trip instead. If that description fits you, here is a navigation guide to the structure of this book, as well as why we chose to handle some wording and sources in certain ways.

Components of Can We Dance?

The book has three parts:

• Part 1 — Dance Lessons: Preparing Yourself for a Great Relationship emphasizes what you need to do individually to be effective in a relationship, including character assessment and development and assessing your expectations. Ideally you will do Part 1 before you are in a relationship, but you can do it after you have a partner as well.
• Part 2 — It Takes Two: Creating a Lasting Friendship-Based Relationship assists you through developing friendships, finding a partner, observing how a partner speaks and acts, building communication skills, and developing a deeper friendship and serious relationship. It is not necessary to have a partner to read and do the activities in Part 2. There are some activities, however, that you will return to when you have a partner or you can do along with a partner or others.
• Part 3 — The Best Dance: Exploring Powerful Character Qualitiesis a reference guide containing the 56 character qualities used throughout the book. It assists you to deepen your understanding and practice of each of the qualities.

Elements in Parts 1 and 2

Identification of Character Qualities

Character qualities such as confidence, honesty, and respect are in italics (except in the worksheets) to assist you in recognizing and practicing them. Various forms of the quality are included in this structure, such as strength as a form of strong. As you notice the italics, you will begin to see how common character qualities are in daily usage.When you encounter an italicized quality, if you want to understand it better, you can turn to Part 3 to read an explanation of it.

Stories and Examples

The scenarios in this book are fictional, but they reflect attitudes, actions, and experiences people have shared with us. People can be single or unmarried at any age, and in any part of the world. Our goal is to serve a diverse audience that spans a wide range of ages and lives around the world. The stories used throughout this book reflect some of this diversity. Each contains principles and behavior for you to learn from, regardless of your age or cultural background.
Learning in Action

Normally, you read a book simply to learn new concepts. However, relationships are not merely conceptual. Therefore, Can We Dance? invites you to participate in a more active adventure to learn new insights and skills. Included throughout are: Questions for Reflection and various Activities (some include Worksheets).

The activities and worksheets are wide ranging to involve you physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. Some of the communication activities and tools may feel a bit strange and uncomfortable as you first use them; however, that provides opportunities to strengthen such qualities as courage or flexibility. If you take the time to be thorough with doing the activities, your insights and new skills will benefit you in your relationships. Note that the word is “thorough,” not “perfect”!

You may also develop your own activities to supplement or replace the ones provided. A few of the activities encourage engaging your creative side through using “the arts”; such as, collage, poetry, music, or writing. Often using the arts can bring surprising and helpful insights and perspectives.

The majority of the activities are set up for you to do on your own, assuming that you will not necessarily have someone yet who will participate in them with you. However, many you can do with a partner, and some will be ones you will return to when you do have a partner. Remember that where the activity involves someone else, that participant needs to be willing, not pressured. Ideally, your partner will also have a copy of this book and be going through the same process of relationship preparation as you are.

As you set goals for your character development, actions, and what you want from a relationship, you will begin to act, assess, learn, and then change course if necessary. Through this active process, you will learn how to be successful in a relationship. This discovery process is vital. In her book, The Truth About Love, Pat Love, Ed.D., says, “Couples who rush through discovery, skipping over the information-gathering process, decrease the likelihood of their relationship going the distance and creating a love that lasts.”1

Wording Choices

It is sometimes difficult to find words that effectively describe people’s roles in relationships, especially when someone is not married. We chose to use the term “partner” instead of other choices, such as boyfriend or girlfriend, because it includes the concept of equality and applies across a wide span of ages and various relationship stages.

We have not completely eliminated the concept of “dating” or going out on a “date.” However, we have largely replaced it with a wide range of activities that focus you on getting to know yourself and a partner in meaningful ways. We have also avoided the term “breaking up” to describe the ending of a relationship, because it portrays a shattering of the people and relationship, and there are other alternatives.

This book will distribute globally, and many people reading it would not understand some of the popular expressions used in North America. As a result, we have done our best to eliminate them. For the same reason, we have minimized the use of contractions (I’ll, won’t, don’t...) At times, this results in the text seeming a bit formal, but we hope you will agree that understanding is more important.

Grammar rules are controversial and changing, and sometimes they can either assist or hinder readability. We chose to use words such as “they,” “their,” or “them” as substitutes for a constant use of his/her, he/she, and so on. Some may find this substitution equally distracting, and to them we apologize.

We believe that having a spiritual connection between partners can strengthen a relationship, so at times this book includes spiritual terminology and encourages you to explore and try activities such as prayer, meditation, worship, reading spiritual material, and more as possibilities. The words “God,” “Creator,” Higher Power, or Great Spirit appear at times, but you may use a different term for a spiritual force in your life, or you may not believe in this concept at all. Please use whatever terminology fits your beliefs, and any spiritual practices that work for you in your life.

Sources

Can We Dance? includes a wide variety of sources, as there is a rich array to draw on about both character and relationships. We use quotations from:

• Philosophers
• Founders of religions, religious leaders, and religious scripture
• Relationship and marriage researchers
• Therapists and counselors
• Authors
• Singles who responded to our informal surveys
• Traditional wisdom

These quotations will expand your perspectives and give you insights into new choices and actions to consider in your life. There are sources, copyright notices, and permissions notes in Appendix B. We encourage you to pursue reading many of these original sources to continue expanding your knowledge and skills.

In Part 3, the quotations for “Spiritual Reflection” come from six global religions: the Bahá’í Faith, Buddhism, Christianity, Hinduism, Islam, and Judaism. Quotations from some of these appear at times in Parts 1 and 2 as well. We recognize these as rich sources about character and relationships, and we hope that you find them insightful.

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