Welcome to the Marriage Transformation Project

Note: The context of this article is sex within marriage.

The Shifting Times, January 2000
Copyright 2000 Susanne M. Alexander

Sex. The act of joining two bodies together in some intimate fashion. Cultural creatives love to say that it can be a very spiritual experience. There is now a popular revival of ancient Tantra Sex, which looks at sex as a divine rite that is a synthesis between love and meditation, connected to the universal oneness. This is one way of linking spirituality to the physical acts of coupling and intimate touching. Another way of framing sex in spiritual terms is by interweaving it with the soul and the virtuous qualities that give our souls strength and depth.

At the beginning of meeting and courtship are the spiritual qualities of character that affect every interaction between the couple. Honor and respect are foundational and begin from the moment of first meeting. Is there compassion for past experiences? Are faithfulness and loyalty between you valued? Do you show trust and trustworthiness? Are you able to be prayerful together?

What of balance, mutuality and equality? The old model of male dominance is losing its viability. The new model of give and take, joint decision-making, full expression by both parties and full partnership are developing and taking flight.

The intimacy and richness of making love with another human being also require the exercise of key spiritual qualities or virtues. And don't equate "virtuous" with the outmoded concept of "Puritanism"! Can you imagine sex without gentleness? Creativity? What about generosity? Cleanliness? Enthusiasm? Courtesy? For many, a positive experience also requires the practice of self-discipline, helpfulness, courage, responsibility, moderation or confidence. And then there are the key qualities of flexibility and patience.

In a world that uses the fireworks and spectacular performance standards of movies and novels, couples often start with an unrealistic standard of achievement to meet. It takes patience and time to learn the intricacies of another's body, moods, emotions, thoughts and cycles. It takes patience to build a level of reverence and joyfulness that truly make coupling a very spiritual experience.

An outcome of this spiritual experience can be the creation of life. Sex can result in conception, the divine act that connects sperm, egg and soul together at once. Parenthood is an act of spiritual responsibility for another life, another soul, that lasts for all eternity. Part of this responsibility is to train the child's soul and character to reflect the virtues of caring, determination, excellence, forgiveness and truthfulness.

The sexual and spiritual joining of physical bodies and souls are in reality an extension of how the individuals treat each other in their entire relationship.Have you ever thought you'd practice "virtuous sex"? Try it. You just might like it!