Dear Friends and Colleagues:

Sexual addiction is a difficult issue that neither of us have personal experience with, nor are we trained to coach people directly in this area, so it feels a bit strange to be writing about it. However, we get calls at times with requests for referrals to therapists with this specialty, or we talk to people in our workshops who are struggling with this issue. To better support these individuals and couples, we are reading many helpful books and researching informative websites. We want to share this knowledge with you, in case this issue affects you and your life and you are ready to reach out for help.

When sexual addiction affects people, it affects their relationships and marriages. From the information we have read, it appears to be expanding exponentially, particularly with the proliferation of pornographic images and content on the Internet and in the media. In this newsletter, we will give you a glimpse into the issue and provide some resources that may be useful if you or someone you love needs help. Like any addiction, sexual addiction can affect anyone of any religious affiliation, class, income, place of residence, gender, age, relationship status, or occupation. It can involve clergy and religious leaders, spouses, parents, professionals, teachers, teens, colleagues, and friends. It can happen to you. Often the sexual addict is an outwardly active and respected member of the community who is living a double life and terrified of discovery. And...denial of the problem only makes it worse.

Treating this condition has different theories and practices, as described by leading experts Jonathan Marsh and Dr. Mark Laaser. You will need to investigate what is best for you. According to Marsh, a recovery coach and former sexual addict whose resources are at www.recoverynation.com, here's what sexual addiction is and is not:

"Sexual Addiction is one of the most frequently misunderstood terms in behavioral health. To understand what sexual addiction is, let us first examine what it is not. Sexual Addiction is not a disease--by AMA [American Medical Association] standards. It is not an excuse for having marital affairs, nor is it a defense in criminal proceedings involving sexual behavior. It is neither rare, nor incurable. Sexual addiction is not found in the majority of rapists and stalkers. The vast majority of sexual addicts are no more likely to engage in child molestation or rape than a randomly-selected stranger. In fact, many times, the sexual addict is actually less likely to engage in such behaviors due to their skewed value system. So then, what is sexual addiction? Sexual addiction is nothing more than a continuing pattern of unwanted compulsive sexual behavior that has had a negative impact on an individual's personal, social and/or economic standing."

Dr. Laaser, author of Healing the Wounds of Sexual Addiction, also personally struggled with this issue while serving as a Christian clergyman. He describes it differently as a disease: "The secret sin of sexual addiction grows from seeds planted in childhood and symptoms may go undetected for years. In adolescence, the indicators of this disease may be confused with normal sexual development. In adulthood, the disease grows progressively worse. Ultimately, if untreated, its victims will die." (p. 15) [www.faithfulandtrueministries.com]

Whether this is a disease or not, whether it is curable or not, both of these men, hold out enormous hope that people can reclaim health and their best selves and move their lives, relationships, marriages, and families in positive directions. There are many other resources besides what is in this newsletter as well, and we urge you to take advantage of the variety of available books, websites, therapists, and workshops. Always remember, however, to assess treatment methods and advice along with the wisdom of knowing and respecting your spiritual beliefs. Not everything will be a good fit for you.

A key for both prevention and recovery is limiting fantasies, particularly those about sex and people other than your own spouse. The more we study about the character quality of chastity, which includes keeping your thoughts pure, the more we realize its gift to humanity. Reclaiming the practice of chastity is a key step in the recovery from sex addiction. (See the Character Quality of the Month in the sidebar.)