November 2006 Marriage Transformation Newsletter

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Healthy Relationship Habits

A Marriage Transformation Message from
Susanne Alexander and Craig Farnsworth,
Relationship and Marriage Coaches

Dear Friends and Colleagues:

From the beginning of a relationship or marriage, it is wise to establish positive habits that will help the two of you happily stay together. A habit is an acquired behavior pattern followed regularly until it has become almost involuntary. Some people refer to these as "rituals", which is any practice or pattern of behavior regularly performed in a set manner. Whichever word you choose...think about how you incorporate regular practices in your interactions.

Some examples of habits include:

Spiritual Ones

Praying together (in person or on the telephone)
Doing a meditation practice, such as Tai Chi or yoga

Physical Ones

Turning down the bed covers at night together and making the bed together in the morning (married couples)
Exercising together

Mental/Emotional Ones

Assessing your relationship regularly at certain times, perhaps on your wedding anniversary or the anniversary of when you first met
Discussing your daily experiences at the same time each day

Craig and I have developed our own rituals in our marriage. We buy a magnet from each place we travel together or separately. When we look at them on our refrigerator, it reminds us of happy times and that we thought of each other. We also sit down together most mornings with cups of herbal tea. We read spiritual material, pray, and select a character quality to practice for the day.

You can see many other suggestions for habits or rituals on the Smart Marriages website at www.smartmarriages.com/intentionalmarriage.html. You may also read marriage expert Bill Doherty's excellent article on the subject of rituals. He says, "An intentional marriage is one where the partners are conscious, deliberate, and planful about maintaining and building a sense of connection over the years."

A wise author (Rúhíyyih Rabbani) also once said: "To the influence of love in marriage is gradually added another powerful catalyst: habit. The common home, the daily association, produces a common framework, and habit, one of the most powerful forces in life, begins to knit husband and wife together. It acts as a wonderful stabilizer; if love is allowed to fail, habit itself may be strong enough to preserve the union.” (Prescription for Living, p. 88) [And...don't allow the love to fail!]

This month's recommended reading books include a number of healthy marriage habits. We are excited about and using marriage therapist Paul McWilliams findings about eye contact. We are also delighted that our friend Heather Cardin's first book, Partners in Spirit: What Couples Say About Marriage That Work, is now in print. Her intimate interviews with couples bring insights into many positive couple practices, such as serving others together, using consultative and equality-based consultative decision-making, and being flexible. We hope you add these fine books to your bookshelves.

What healthy habits are you practicing? What new ones do you now want to try?

Loving greetings,
Susanne and Craig
p.s. - We received comments that some people did not receive last month's newsletter. Due to technical challenges with our newsletter system or your email's filters, you may not receive all newsletter issues in your inbox. All past issues can be read on at www.marriagetransformation.com/mediacenter_newsletters.htm.

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