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Marriage Transformation Message
From Susanne Alexander and Craig Farnsworth

Dear Friends:

Do you ever stop to notice what your body movements communicate about the state of your wellbeing and relationship? This was the topic of one of the workshops at the June Smart Marriages Conference: Body Wisdom, expertly delivered by Dr. Kathlyn Hendricks (www.hendricks.com).

Dr. Hendricks' message, in part, was that conscious living supports us in being healthier and happier. For instance, if you slump your shoulders, you increase feelings of depression and being weighted down by life. If you sit or stand up straight, you feel better.

So, in a relationship context, what might you want to pay attention to? One area is your breathing. When you are fighting or in conflict with your relationship partner or spouse, you likely hold your breath for brief periods. This increases your tension and stress. Breathing deeply releases the stress and makes it easier to relate in harmony.

Another visible sign of distress is if your mate is repeatedly doing a motion that does not seem to match what is happening, such as foot-tapping, looking away, or if she/he goes completely still. It may be helpful if you say, "I notice your foot tapping. Can you tell me what is going on for you?" "I see you twisting your wedding ring. What are you experiencing?" Remember not to interpret his/her movements with your own ideas, but just be gently curious.

Pay attention to words your partner is emphasizing, underlying tones of voice, sighs, sniffs, and so on that may accompany a message. Are they communicating something in addition to the words?

Tune into your body sensations...is your neck stiff with tension, your arms crossed in resistance, your chin jutting out in rebellion? If you spot these patterns in your partner, how can you gently massage, hug, or help work them through? How can you release them in yourself?

Lastly, Kathlyn talked about attitude. What is your attitude when interacting with one another? Are you hostile? Worshipful? Dependent? Flirting? Are you treating one another with respect and equality, or is there an imbalance?

We encourage you to increase your level of observation both with your own body and with your partner's. How can you support one another in expressing what is on your minds?

One key is effectively listening to one another, with your ears, eyes, mind, and heart. We have included the Hendricks' guidelines for great listening in the new edition of Pure Gold: Encouraging Character Qualities in Marriage, taken with permission from their book, The Conscious Heart. One example is, "I commit to speaking and listening to myself and you free of criticism." Great advice!

We pray for excellence in your relationships!

Loving greetings,
Craig and Susanne

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Interfaith Relationships in New Marriages

Below is a link to an article from a Catholic newsletter for newlyweds about interfaith marriage that is quite interesting and helpful. 

http://www.familyministries.org/FirstYearsForever/Vol.04/Iss.08.htm

Susanne had a great conversation with a couple recently--she is Hindu and he is Catholic.  She asked about the secret to their happy marriage from a faith perspective.  They said they pray together, respect one another's beliefs, recognize that there are many paths to God, attend each other's services on occasion, and put God at the center of their marriage. Sounds like a good recipe to us!

Susanne will be writing an article about character for newlyweds for this newsletter's September issue.

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Marriage Report Available

"State of Our Unions 2005," a current analysis of marriage in America and learnings from the experience of marriage in Scandinavia is available on the National Marriage Project web page at marriage.rutgers.edu/.

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