©2004
The Marriage Transformation Newsletter
Empowering people to create happy, lasting, spiritually-based
marriages—the foundation of a prosperous, unified world 
August 2006 Volume 3, Issue 6


© 2006
Marriage Transformation LLC


We encourage sharing: The newsletter may be forwarded, copied and pasted into a message, or  printed in its entirety; please ask permission for any other use.


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Inside This Issue

Project Message

The Reading Room

Marriage Can Be Forever--Preparation Counts!
Out of Print

30 Days to a Better Marriage, 10 Minutes a Day

Secrets of Happily Married Men

The Impact of Divorce
on Grandparents

Toll-Free 800 Number

Ours Books Available in Canadian Bookstores

Online Reviews Appreciated

Media Coverage

Upcoming
Marriage Transformation Workshops

Listserves/
Newsletter Subscriptions

Contact Us


Note: Marriage Transformation is a trademarked term, and the project logo is copyrighted and trademarked. It may not be used for any purpose other than representing the Marriage Transformation Project and Marriage Transformation LLC. 

 

 

 

 

Featured Products

On sale for $17.50!

Can We Dance?
Learning the Steps for a Fulfilling Relationship

represents a
revolutionary approach

to preparing for, seeking, and being in a relationship.

On sale for $13.95!

Pure Gold:
Encouraging
Character Qualities
in Marriage
(Second Edition)

Discover how character qualities such as trustworthiness, loyalty, truthfulness, and courage can transform your marriage and enrich your communication skills!

"Pure Gold is a lifeline for today's couples."
~ Linda Kavelin Popov, author of A Pace of Grace (honored by the Dalai Lama)

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Character Quality
of the Month:

PERSEVERANCE

Perseverance is using our strength and resources to persist in reaching our goals. One of our goals is having a happy and lasting marriage. We take a long-term view of our relationship, understanding that we have the ability to move steadily forward toward this goal.

It takes time to learn the rhythm of one another’s bodies, minds, hearts, and souls, so we persevere on this path of discovery over time. With our character growth, goals, and projects, we stay committed, no matter how long it takes, or what obstacles we encounter. We use discernment, however, to reflect on and evaluate whether we need to appropriately change our goals or direction.

When challenges arise as we persevere, we are steadfast and work together to overcome them, trusting in positive outcomes. We focus on our tasks, encouraging and helping one another as needed to keep going. We finish the projects we begin, instead of leaving them partially done. We avoid distractions that lead us away from a task or off course. Perseverance supports our success.

          ~ Pure Gold, p. 210


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Watch our short inspirational movie here! (2 min, 30 sec)


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The Marriage Transformation Project is a global social and economic development project committed to relationship and marriage education and skill building for people at all stages of relationships. In addition to our own independent work in developing materials, with a strong focus on character and communications, we draw on many sources. These include the work of marriage researchers, psychologists, philosophers, traditional wisdom, authors, and spiritual sources. These spiritual sources include the following world's religions: Baha'i Faith, Buddhism, Christianity, Hinduism, Islam, and Judaism.

Click here for further
project information.

Marriage Transformation Project

P.O. Box 23085

Cleveland, OH 44123 USA

Phone: 800-501-6682 or
(216) 383-9943

Fax: (216) 383-9953


E-mail:

staff@marriagetransformation.com

www.marriagetransformation.com

Newsletter content
by Susanne Alexander and
Joyce Ashman

Newsletter Layout
and Design
by Joyce Ashman

We welcome new subscribers! Please share!

Divorce Prevention-There Is Hope!

A Marriage Transformation Message from
Susanne Alexander and Craig Farnsworth
,
Relationship Coaches and Marriage Educators

Dear Friends and Colleagues:

In recent weeks, many couples have contacted us or come to our workshops when their marriages are in serious difficulties. While there are times when divorce is unavoidable, many couples can strengthen their marriages with time, perseverance, and the appropriate help. Restoring the your marriage is vital in most circumstances, but especially if there are children involved. This newsletter contains some resources for those who want to prevent divorce and need to hear this voice of hope. Please share it with your friends who are struggling.

Our featured book this month is The Divorce Remedy by the "divorce busting" therapist Michele Weiner Davis. She has learned through years of counseling couples that often divorce produces as much pain as the marriage the couple is trying to escape. She has dedicated her practice and her book writing to assisting couples to instead reclaim their marriages.

Often couples wait years too long to seek help. While you can get help at any stage, obtaining it during the EARLY development of problems increases your chances of success and decreases your pain. The options for assistance are growing and include workshops, books, mentor couples, spiritual counseling, and professional counseling. A great new resource in the United States (we are encouraging them to expand internationally) is the National Association of Marriage Friendly Therapists. Many therapists have the unfortunate reputation of being divorce facilitators rather than helping couples learn new knowledge and skills to maintain their marriages. These counselors are different. You can also find assistance through links on our website and on the Smart Marriages website.

For couples who need to step back and away from each other and separate for awhile to calm down and attempt reconciliation, you may wish to read Should I Stay Or Go?: How Controlled Separation (CS) Can Save Your Marriage by Lee Raffel. If your religion prescribes certain parameters for a separation, such as waiting a year before a divorce is sought, you will need to adjust Raffel's program to accommodate them. However, the gift in this program if you do choose to separate is that the structure supports ongoing consultation, unified agreement, and reconciliation attempts.

For those reading this newsletter who are not yet married, we urge you to be involved in relationship skill-building and marriage preparation. These will help you avoid the divorce trap! [See Can We Dance? and Marriage Can Be Forever].

Please know that all of you are in our prayers. We are advocates for your marriages!

Loving greetings,
Susanne and Craig

p.s. We are holding a marriage-strengthening workshop in California in November. It is designed to help couples prevent getting into serious difficulties. See later in the newsletter for details.

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The Reading Room

The Divorce Remedy
by Michele Weiner Davis

This excellent book provides a 7-Step Program for saving your marriage. Michele Weiner Davis effectively outlines the trap that seeking divorce can become, as couples deal with each other through lawyers, acrimonious debates, and have to stay in touch for the long-term because of children. She provides you with clear guidance and stories that help you to take a fresh look at your marriage, determine what you want to be different, and act to make a difference. She makes it clear that the solutions are not instantaneous; they take time and effort. However, Weiner Davis says most situations can be improved, even if you are handling serious issues such as infidelity, depression, midlife crisis, a passionless relationship, and more. Her urging is to EXPECT THE IMPOSSIBLE. Her expertise and profound experience makes this is a must-read book for anyone struggling with their marriage.

See all of Weiner Davis' books and other resources at www.divorcebusting.com.

"Real giving is when we give to our spouses what's important to them--whether we understand it, like it, agree with it, or not! If you and your spouse have spent years debating about love definitions ("If you loved me, you would want to spend more time with my family," versus "If you loved me, you would want to spend more time alone with me on weekends), stop wasting time. You're both right. To have a loving marriage, you have to put yourself out and love your partner the way s/he wants to be loved." p. 54

Marriage Can Be Forever--Preparation Counts!
Out of Print Notice

Both the first and second editions of Marriage Can Be Forever--Preparation Counts! are now out of print. However, you can still order it in self-printing PDF format on a CD. We are preparing the third edition for publication later in 2006.

www.marriagetransformation.com/store_MCBF2_CD.htm

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30 Days to a Better Marriage, 10 Minutes a Day

Community Marriage Builders has published a new booklet called "Marriage
Insurance - 30 Days to a Better Marriage - 10 Minutes a Day"  It is a
couples' devotional to help Christian couples bond spiritually.

Copies may be obtained by donating to Community Marriage Builders at 1229 Bellemeade Ave. Evansville, IN 47714, USA.  Suggested donation is $3 per copy. Great for any couple of any age at any stage of marriage!

Submitted by Ann Gries PhD, Coordinator of Community Marriage Builders, www.marryright.org.

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Secrets of Happily Married Men

In today's society, managing a career, marriage, and family is difficult for both women and men. Dr. Haltzman, MD, author of The Secrets of Happily Married Men, assists men in learning how to strengthen their families with these great tips:

1. Keep your eye on the prize: After the vows are exchanged, many men shift the focus from courting their wives to more pragmatic things, like career development. Bad mistake. After the honeymoon, show you care by doing the same courting behaviors you did before you got married. She needs to know she's still # 1.

2. Listen before you leap: Before you jump in to fix something, take time to figure out what's really on her mind. Just listening, without talking, is a good start. Once you really hear the problem, then you can take the right steps to make things better.

3. Ask directions. Marriage is complex; it's a myth that being in love is all you need. It's OK to ask for or seek help from a counselor or a book.

4. Think Positive: Pay extra attention to all the good things your wife brings to your life, rather than focus on the negative interactions.

5. Pitch in: Men who help out with housework have happier marriages. Even if you work hard outside the home, don't ignore household chores.

6. Invest long-term: Just because you're having relationship problems doesn't mean you should bail. All relationships have bad times; most will rebound if you
hang in there.

7. Leave a legacy: Being in a healthy marriage teaches children important lessons about their own relationships. Kids whose parents stick together have less risk of divorcing themselves. So when your grandchildren celebrate Father's Day, they'll be doing it in the home of both their parents.

About the Author: Scott Haltzman, M.D. is the founder of www.DrScott.com. He maintains a private psychiatric practice in Rhode Island, United States and serves as Medical Director of Northern Rhode Island Community Services.

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The Impact of Divorce on Grandparents

While divorce impacts both the couple and any children, there can also be a significant impact on extended family members as well. This excerpt shows the impact on grandparents.

Excerpt: Like an elephant in my living room, the divorce of my son and a greatly loved daughter-in-law sits silently watching us as we stumble around in our newly complicated and rearranged lives.

I've learned not to ask the children's mother if I can spend time with them on her custody weekends: The answer is always no.

On my son's weekends, when one of my grandchildren asks to spend the night, my answer is always, "Yes, but let's ask Dad first."

It rarely works out the way the children and I want it to. Sometimes there are three soccer games to be played in different places (my son coaches a team). Or one of the children has plans with a friend who lives far from me and it's too difficult for my son to return for the child who might sleep over.

It is well known that children are at risk when their parents divorce. At risk too, is my once harmonious relationship with my grandchildren. Unconditional time and love are all I have to give. I fear that time has been fractured.

Since my son's divorce, I haven't quite adapted or regained my equilibrium. I've told myself many times to be mature and sensible, in order to be able to help my son and most of all, my grandchildren. I know it will take strength to find perspective and time for me to try to help heal the broken hearts.

To read the entire article, please visit:
www.sptimes.com/2006/08/29/Seniority/Grandparents_struggle.shtml.

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We Now Have a Toll-Free 800 Number

Calling Marriage Transformation just became easier! Call us on our new toll-free number (800-501-6682) to place your orders, schedule an interview, or any other reason. It works for callers in the US and Canada, and possibly for other countries. This is an internet phone plan and we are still testing the international capabilities.

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Our Books are Now Available in Canadian Bookstores

We are excited to announce that people in Canada can now find copies of Pure Gold: Encouraging Character Qualities in Marriage and Can We Dance? Learning the Steps for a Fulfilling Relationship at or through their local Chapters/Indigo Bookstores ( http://www.chapters.indigo.ca)!

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Online Reviews Appreciated
Your thoughts and opinions matter!

Please write a testimonial/review to help other online purchasers! We encourage and welcome anyone who has read or used Pure Gold: Encouraging Character Qualities in Marriage and Can We Dance? Learning the Steps for a Fulfilling Relationship to please go to www.chapters.indigo.ca, www.amazon.com, www.barnesandnoble.com, and other online bookstores and write a positive review. Other buyers read and value your comments. Thank you for your support!

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Media Coverage

www.mysanantonio.com/salife/stories/MYSA081506.1P.bestfriends.aef3ca.html
Article: " Best Friends — With them, our lives are richer, happier and healthier"
San Antonio Express News, August 15, 2006

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Upcoming Marriage Transformation Workshops

Creating a Pure Gold Marriage!
A Relationship Workshop for Seriously Courting,
Engaged, and Married Couples

November 10 - 12, 2006
(Friday evening through Sunday around noon time)
Bosch Bahá'í School, Santa Cruz, California

Married and courting couples are welcome to come learn key communication and character skills that contribute to a happy, lasting marriage. Marriage educators Susanne M. Alexander and Craig A. Farnsworth (Pure Gold: Encouraging Character Qualities in Marriage and Marriage Can Be Forever--Preparation Counts!) invite you to a fun and interactive session that includes couple time to nurture your relationship.

For further details, see: http://www.marriagetransformation.com/learning_workshops_upcoming.htm
or www.bosch.org.

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Listserves/Newsletter Subscriptions

Join our listserves if you want to learn more or become involved in marriage education! Join today and help transform marriages!

MarriageTransformation-Subscribe@yahoogroups.com

Did a friend forward this newsletter to you and now you want to receive your own copy each month in your email inbox? To sign up for this newsletter, go to our home page, www.marriagetransformation.com, and register in the "Newsletter Sign Up" box!

MarriageTransformationEducator-Subscribe@yahoogroups.com

Get the latest news about marriage and The Marriage Transformation Project as it happens! Join our announcement listserve today!

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Please contact us at staff@marriagetransformation.com, 800-501-6682, or (216) 383-9943 if you have any questions or comments, requests for subject matter to be covered in the newsletter, need to change your email address, or want further information about the Marriage Transformation Project. If you wish to unsubscribe from this newsletter, please click on the link below.

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