A deep, character-based friendship, where you share your heart, mind, and soul, is a foundational piece of lasting relationships. When a serious relationship begins with friendship, the games, the "in-love" fantasies, and the discomfort of trying to figure out the relationship have no place. You want to create a marriage where your spouse is your very best friend. Marriage must lead to a profound spiritual friendship that continues forever. The goal is to be forever friends.

Dating

Dating is often a way to spend time building a friendship with someone doing activities you both enjoy. Many cultures in the world say that dating is the way to get paired with someone and establish a relationship that leads to marriage. However, there are often pitfalls to traditional dating. Often you as a couple are isolated, eliminating the learning about each other that can only come from watching one another interact with others. Premature physical intimacy is common, and abandoning abstinence short-circuits the process of getting to know each other. Chastity, which includes deep respect for waiting to have sex after marriage, strengths marriage bonds. With dating, there may also be a pattern established of high excitement and then breakups, a poor model for creating a lasting marriage. You may find it better to be in groups, spending time with family and friends.

Courting

As you establish a bond with your partner and court one another, your family also gets to know your close friend. You as a couple are both committed to considering the possibility of being marriage partners. This is a time to explore compatibility, which is the ability to work together in harmony. You build spiritual bonds through praying together and bonds of the heart through community service projects. It is a time of exploring each other's thoughts, expectations, attitudes, behaviors and more so you know the most vital details about such key areas as children, money, handling difficulties, spiritual life, and so on.

Cohabitation: A Step Off the Path

Often couples believe that living together will assist you to make a good marriage. You may think that trying it out first will give you data about being married. However, research is showing that when you are in an essentially uncommitted relationship, you don't commingle your lives and set up your relationship in the same way that married couples do. The divorce rate for couples who cohabit before marriage is actually higher than for those who don't. [For details, see National Marriage Project, www.marriage.rutgers.edu]

Engagement and Wedding

Engagement is a wonderful and celebrated moment in your relationship and marriage preparation! Either of you can propose to the other, or you can mutually decide that marriage is what is best for you both. Once you have chosen, it can be a profoundly respectful and unifying act to seek the consent and blessing of all of your parents. In this excitement, however, it is also important to remember to continue getting to know each other's character and be very sure that marriage is a good choice for both of you. A broken engagement is far better than the devastation of divorce. As you plan your wedding, think about how to make it a great occasion for your guests, a time of community celebration that welcomes you as a married couple. Consider keeping it simple and spiritual and creating what is meaningful to you both and to your families. Remember, you are planning your marriage , not just your wedding.

Resources

Marriage Preparation Resources
Marriage Enrichment Resources